I’ve never liked “The Grind”. Hustling to find clients. Wheelin’ and Dealin’. Networking. Kickin’ names and takin’… you get it.
I know people who love the hustle. The rush. The hard work. The will they or won’t they atmosphere of paying rent. That attracts a certain person. It’s not me. I like the consistency of corporate. The reliability of project assignment. The senior staff qualities of getting to take my time and do it right. And I did have that for a little while. Even in the feast days of freelancing where I was sought out. I could pick and choose the projects, raise rates, set my own deadlines, it was the dream.
Moving from freelance to a corporate studio was even better. slight pay decrease but with more structure. Working on projects that would be seen by millions. Having access to the latest and greatest software and hardware. From Dream A to Dream B.
But the corporate work turned out to be temporary no matter how much my coworkers and supervisors fought for me. HR had a different idea. Last In – First Out. But getting let go wasn’t terrible. I took a year off. I travelled to Spain. I travelled to Asia. I put out fires. I started some new ones. 2025 really allowed for my creativity to bloom… again. And I can’t wait to talk about that as I get closer to completion.
But the Famine wave is starting to hit. Hard. I’ve reduced my creative time to make room for new clients. I have gone back to my freelance roots looking for new clients. I’ve reached out to local and remote jobs. I’ve split my day into job hunting and creative work. I’ve even started asking for less money to attract more clients. But the creative work is always the first to get let go in favor of survival work or simple domestic errands. This has had a tremendous effect on momentum.
But even when I do happen to find the time, the moment, the drive to work… I find that my 8 year old computer is just struggling to even wake up. I get it. I like sleeping in too. And sometimes it’s just hard getting out of bed. But in an increasing frequency, my computer freezes on waking from sleep, hard crashes (sometimes multiple times in a row), requires numerous reboots, or even just drops/breaks audio after extended use. I know it’s my computer. I know the part of the computer that is causing the problem. I know there is literally zero fix for it. So I struggle.
I have worked out the ability to finally purchase a new computer. Which I decided to do a couple of days ago. However, to delay further, new models were announced and stock in stores has dwindled while waiting for the new new.
So I can’t replace my computer for at least 5 more days, and that’s assuming that the model I’m looking for will be in stock. I can’t fix the problem that is slowing down or crashing my computer. I divide my time in ways to survive with work taking priority over everything else. I’m struggling to stay focused on the things that make me happy.
So here we are again. I need money to survive to make art to be happy and to make money. This was so much easier when I had fewer responsibilites.
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